Love is all that matters
Love is all that matters
I couldn’t keep still while I was writing chapter six of my manuscript because I kept thinking about a crucial time in ShanayaZalam’s life where she almost lost her soul. I needed to pay her one last visit to reflect on how I dodged that major blow. I left my apartment and headed for my old home in hopes that I could catch her there, I had a good feeling I would be able to see her because I remembered clearly where I was on that night as I was recalling memories of myself back five years.
I arrived quickly, walked through the small gate and peeped through her bedroom window. I saw her walk in the room with a very cute outfit on and her hair was done perfectly. I laughed and said to myself with utmost pride, “Wow, Shanaya you was such a hot twenty five year old.” then I walked up the steps, hurried through the front door and found ShanayaZalam looking dead at me as soon as I placed my right foot inside on the floor.
She Said, “Hey ShanayaNour, you think I didn’t know you was looking through my window?”
I laughed and said, “Don’t you mean our window, remember we are the same person, don’t get beside yourself now.”
She shook her head as if she was annoyed, “I see that I still have a bossy attitude at the age of thirty.”
I rolled my eyes, “nobody knows us better than ourselves.”
We walked inside and immediately I grabbed ShanayaZalam and hugged her real tight.
She looked at me strangely and said, “What was that all about? I don’t know anyone who would be so happy to see their old miserable self.”
I ignored that smart comment and said, “Happy twenty fifth birthday ShanayaZalam, we are a smoking hot twenty five year old.”
She looked at me with a disgraced expression on her face, “What’s so hot about being a slave and sometimes a punching bag to a being in the unknown that nobody can see? Huh ShanayaNour, what’s so hot about that?”
I squished up my face “you have an attitude problem today, yeah that’s right I remember why now.”
She sucked her teeth “ok then why make a visit on the one day in the year when I am the most irritated.”
I walked up to her and said, “The man who you just broke up with was heavy into black magic and sorcery, he appeased those dreadful spirits by doing horrible things you are unaware of and that’s the only reason why all the harassment you experience from those spirits stopped. You should know that when you were in a relationship with him he was preparing you to sell your soul to the devil as he already did, he was making deals with them.”
ShanayaZalam looked at me in shock “What?”
I looked at her lovingly and said sincerely, “Be grateful that you dodged that bullet ShanayaZalam, if you would have stayed with him a bit longer you might have become more inclined to follow his ways, you were becoming infatuated by him and believe me those feeling you have been having for him is far from normal. I won’t elaborate further but just know that in this life you should never cave into doing evil, I don’t care how much you want those spirits to stop attacking you, doing nasty things in exchange for peace is just not worth it.”
ShanayaZalam began to cry, “I never planned to do black magic, I just wanted the beatings and unexplained attacks to stop. I mean I knew it was a possibility that he was into that kind of stuff and it was intriguing watching him do certain things, but I was never gonna be a part of it, I swear.”
I shook my head in agreement, “I know, we just figured marrying a possible sorcerer would at least give us peace because he understood how to manipulate energies, but ShanayaZalam believe me even being associated with people like that puts your soul at risk, they do unimaginable things to get what they want and sooner or later they start demanding horrific things from you. Don’t think you would have been a comfortable wife who stayed in ignorance and enjoyed peace; no, no, he had major plans for you sweetheart, you come to find out all of this later.”
The tears kept rolling down her face and I felt the pain in my chest from remembering how she felt.
I took a deep breath and said, “Look ShanayaZalam, I promise you yet again that God loves you and is guiding you, it’s just that you don’t have the capacity to understand everything yet.”
She sat on the bed slowly “but ShanayaNour what should I do? Ever since I broke up with him I have been beat and attacked in my sleep like never before. Just last night I woke up to what appeared to be a snake wrapped around my neck and I swear that I couldn’t move or even scream. The fear paralyzed me and I was certain that I was going to lose my life. Could it be that through him that devil that hates me and harasses me had a way to take my soul and since we broke up that spirit is upset because his chances are gone now?”
I smiled, “Just know that everything happens for a reason and it all will be clear to you one day.
ShanayaZalam looked at me intensely, “You always say that to me, It’s hard to hold onto those words while being beaten by a forces I cannot see, They taunt me at night and try to manipulate my thoughts in the day, I swear I feel like one of their slaves . It’s just not right ShanayaNour; they can subject me to anything, they are evil and I wish I knew how to defeat them.”
I walked towards the door and said, “you have five more years and I promise you will see things differently, look at yourself, I am you at age thirty is that not enough proof that you will reach your destination in one piece and be happy to have the answers finally revealed to you?”
ShanayaZalam put her head down, “Ok ShanayaNour, Ok.”
I walked back up to ShanayaZalam and grabbed her hand, “This will be the last time I come visit you, I will see you at age thirty, I promise you will make it. Oh and by the way you’re just a few short months away from meeting your husband and trust me you can start celebrating now, I hope that makes you feel better.”
ShanayaZalam smirked at me, “For real? What does he look like and how does he treat us? Please tell me, I have to know.”
I smiled while showing all of my teeth, “He is too damn handsome and he treats us as if we are divine, so trust me breaking up with that devil in disguise was a huge blessing, please believe me baby girl.”
ShanayaZalam laughed and said “I guess you’re right, I could never imagine losing my morals and even my soul, oh God no. I rather die trying to find answers then risk burning in the hell that awaits people like that, I might be desperate but I am not crazy.”
I smiled and said, “Yes and thank you for using your brain, your ability to think is what got us this far, remember every human soul is very expensive, actually priceless and that’s why all those damn jinn keep fighting us for it. You will stay strong, you will make it through and you will beat all odds against you, so don’t you ever believe even for one minute that they will be victorious over you, not a chance baby girl, not a chance.”
I kissed ShanayaZalam goodbye and as I was about to leave she shouted, “See you in five years, and I didn’t forget about our book, for some reason I think about it all the time even when you are gone. It keeps me holding on; the idea that I actually wrote a book about all of these difficulties I am going through makes me keep believing that I will be ok one day. I know in my heart that it’s the perfect title to because truly ShanayaNour Nothing Is What It Appears To Be.”
I blew her another kiss and exited out the door. I walked home grateful to have not sold my soul at the tender age of twenty five, Dipping into anything moral less or evil is just not who I am. I remembered how desperate I was to understand but I appreciated never caving into what was easy. I learned that those problems were there for a reason and led my soul to exactly where it needed to be.
I opened my apartment door and was happy to have even lived to see 2015. I glanced at my manuscript sitting on the kitchen table and said, “Ok that’s it ShanayaNour no looking back now; the world is going to read about it all, I hope you are ready.”
I sat down at my desk and decided that my publishing date would be between the summer and the winter of 2015. I could only hope that I could be of some help to people who are just like me, I know in my heart and soul that out there in the world there are people suffering in silence with a need to understand just like I did.
**To know more about me please click My Self, My Reason, My Intentions. To know more about my upcoming book Please click Nothing Is What It Appears To Be.
*****All the questions you may have obtained while reading the ShanayaNour series will be answered completely in my upcoming autobiography, Nothing Is What It Appears To Be. The creative autobiography about my life will be published soon, no official date has been set but I anticipate it’s release this summer no later than this fall.”
******The ShanayaNour Series is a series of stories based on the true life experiences of myself Shanaya Nour Hassaan Ali connected to my upcoming autobiography entitled Nothing Is What It Appears To Be. With Love I Offer this to you!!
The Dreadful 21
I stood in front of my old home in Harlem and just stared at the orange bricks and burnt orange door with a gold knocker attached. I shook my head and smirked as I felt the relief and happiness of being far away from this place. It is such a nice home but is engulfed in so many of my bad memories and hard experiences. I took a deep breath, ran up the three brown cement steps and hurried inside. Just when I was about to enter my old bedroom to have another moment with ShanayaZalam a male voice penetrated through the door and I froze. I leaned in towards the door a little closer and heard him say “Look stink I know I messed up, she seduced me what was I supposed to do?” I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes because I remembered the voice of that malignant individual all too well, then I heard ShanayaZalam say “you know what? I knew all this time that you were cheating and betraying but my love for you made me ignore my instincts every time it set the alarm off. Please just go and I hope you can live with the fact that you stepped on the heart of someone who genuinely loved you, I promise you will never find someone who would sacrifice and love you the way I did, I promise not even your own mama would do for you the things I have done, now I know why she doesn’t even like you, you shameless dog.” I heard a shuffling of a bag so I jumped inside the bathroom that was next to my old room and watched as my forever ill willed ex-boyfriend exited the room, with a nap sack on his back and a look of disturbance on his face.
After the door slammed behind him I walk in the room and found ShanayaZalam staring out the window in a daze. She took a deep breath and said “Hi ShanayaNour, I feel your presence and I know you’re around because I only remember you when you decide to pay a visit.” I said “can you at least turn around and look at me?” she turned around slowly and I was shocked to see myself in such a low state. I said “Believe me he is not the one for you, so try to shake off the hopeless feeling that’s in your heart.” She covered her face with her hands and said “you know ShanayaNour I can’t even cry, it’s like my heart is dead. He is the second man who I loved that slept around on me and got another woman pregnant like a nasty animal, yet after my first love broke my heart I can’t feel a thing. It’s almost like I expected it.” I took a deep breath and said “I remember all too well this dreadful feeling you carry inside of you.” She looked at me and said “Well at least for you it’s a distant memory.”
I rolled my eyes and said “not that distant, I remember these things like it was yesterday.” I sat on the bed with a tense feeling in my chest and said “I am now certain ShanayaZalam that we invited all of those men into our life in order to run away from our unexplained problem. We kept this going for so long only to learn that the problem of getting harassed, beaten and seeing things in our sleep never goes away because of the company we keep, and giving ourselves to men doesn’t make it better it only robs us of our dignity. Every time we trust another boyfriend enough to let him into our personal circle, that demon gets stronger. It feels like abuse only we could never prove it. How could we go to the police and tell them that a spirit is harassing and raping us, they probably would lock us up for being insane.” She shook her head in agreement but then started to cry.” I smiled and said “See ShanayaZalam you can still feel something.” She started crying harder and said “I am crying out of fear. Last night I was looking for that bastard ex-boyfriend of mine but he could not be reached, of course now I know because he was out with another girl, I finally was tired enough to fall asleep and then suddenly a spirit came to me in my sleep and said that no matter how many boyfriends he allows me to have that I ultimately belonged to him and he would eventually take my soul and do whatever he wants to me. ShanayaNour what is this hell that I am living in? I tried with all my might to wake up from this nightmare but I couldn’t and then it happened, he put his hands around my neck and began choking me. I tried my best to fight him back but he was too strong and then I called on one of those saints I learned about but this only made him stronger. I swear to you I couldn’t breathe; I thought he was going to take me. I finally gave up and just accepted that I was about to die and then suddenly I was able to jump out of my sleep. I breathed hard and tried to catch my breath, then I heard a voice say “that’s just a preview into the hell I am gonna put you through if you don’t do what I want you to.” I just cried, and cried, and cried some more.
When I calmed down a little my phone rang, I jumped up because I thought it was my ex-boyfriend, in hopes that he was on his way to me so that I could sleep in peace. It’s funny how I only am able to have peace when I have a man next to me. But it wasn’t him. I picked up the phone and all I heard was a female voice say “Hey you Miss Wonderful Shanaya that you know who loves so much, He is my man now and you better stay away from him or I will come to broke down Harlem and it will be over for you.” I just sighed because all I could think about was that terrible experience I just had and said “You can have him; apparently my life is already over, so do whatever you want.” I don’t think she was expecting that response so she just tried to ensure that I was intimidated and said, “You just better remember what I said” and hung up the phone. ShanayaNour I hate my life and even though you stand in front of me to give me hope, I still don’t believe I will make it another nine years to get to thirty.”
After ShanayaZalam finished talking I grabbed her arm to hold her up because she looked as if her knees were weak and could fall at any moment. I looked her deep in her beautiful brown eyes and said “You will have a loving Husband who only see’s you, You will find a way to beat the devil that appears to have won the fight, you will become a success and travel throughout the world, you will never quit because you are not built for that, you will overcome all the odds even though your enemies may not think so, you will be a great support in giving direction to your family and others and most of all you will write a book entitled, Nothing Is What It Appears To Be so that others can learn from your life experiences. You will stay strong and keep believing that you have a purpose and that God most high does not hate you and has not forsaken you. You will refuse to give your soul to the devil no matter how strong he may seem to be and no matter how hard he fights you for it.”
She looked at me with a tint of inspiration in her expression and said “Ok ShanayaNour, I still believe you.” I smiled and said “Hold on tight, and by the way that nasty ex-boyfriend of yours or ours I should say has chosen the devil, so do your best in staying away from him. You will find out some horrendous things about him that you would never believe. He sleeps with many women, he raped a little boy, and he will do his best to come back and hold onto you because after a while he will realize that you were the only light in his life. He will even try to do magic on you to try to get you to go back to him. He will want to make your life miserable because he will want you back so badly. Yet I don’t want you to worry because God breaks the tie between you and him and releases you from his insanity forever. You become purified and protected from all that he attempts to do to you and he will never be able to reach you or affect you ever again. Whatever he did to you will not even be a second thought and you may even forget that he ever existed. He is like a devil in disguise and that’s far from what God has for your life, so don’t worry and appreciate that he went out and was a shameless dog because you really don’t need that in your life. This pain will cease and you will move on and be so grateful that he is gone from you forever.
ShanayaZalam looked at me and said “This is why I love your visit because you always give me hope, But what am I supposed to do about this damn demon that has been harassing me all of my life?” I grabbed her hand and said “you will find the truth and know what to do, right now is not the time because you have so much more to learn before the answers will unfold to you. Just trust that you will make it and always do whatever your heart inclines you to do for that is God guiding you. Oh and being with men does not help the problem but I can’t stop you from catching another fish, like I said before, what’s done is done.” ShanayaZalam smiled and said “I don’t know why but I just feel like I always need a boyfriend, I just wish all the men that I attract were not always a well-dressed lie.” I laughed and said “ain’t that the truth, But the one for you is awesome and no one will be able to keep him away from you, he was made just for you and will trump them all. So be patient.” She smiled and said “ok ShanayaNour, ok.”
I left the house and walked up the street staring at what my beloved Harlem used to be. It was the same but for some reason the energy felt different to me. I headed home and once I turned the key to my apartment I was back in 2015 happy to be thirty. People complain about turning thirty, but for me it’s such a blessing. I was able to get the answers I needed to get out of the hell I was living in and write it all down for the world to see and yet again after seeing ShanayaZalam I was sure that Nothing Is What It Appears To Be.
Living With The Disguised
I nearly knocked over the Indian saint statue that I used to worship and pray to for protection that was sitting beside the door of ShanayaZalam’s room as I entered with utmost eagerness to receive a glimpse from my past. I caught it before it dropped; looked at it and said “oh boy if I could change anything I would definitely move you far away from me, as much as the distance between the earth and the sun.” As I put the statue back in its place I looked around my old bedroom but didn’t see ShanayaZalam anywhere. I checked the time and it was nearly 5am on a Saturday morning, so I thought back and tried to remember where I was at the age of sixteen on this day at this particular time. Before I could ponder any further I heard a key enter the door then saw ShanayaZalam enter the bedroom looking very tired with the funky smell of night life on her clothes and in her hair.
I jumped near the closet because I didn’t want to startle her but it was too late, all I heard was a loud scream and her say with a screeching high pitch voice “OH MY GOD, WHO ARE YOU? I PROMISE I WILL KICK YOUR ASS IF YOU TRY ANYTHING.” I turned around slowly thinking to myself that the New York Harlem attitude that’s in us both always shows up in times of defense. I said “hold on calm down ShanayaZalam, it’s you again ShanayaNour, Remember?” She put the broom stick down that she planned to bash my head in with and said “ohhhhhh, ShanayaNour yes I do remember, you’re me at age 30, and it’s funny how I only remember you when you decide to pay a visit.” I was about to say something and then she stopped me and said “I know, nothing that has been written can be changed, so my new enlighten self can never influence my current confused self. I remember you don’t have to repeat this to me again.” I smiled and said “Awe, give me a hug for that one.” As I went to hug her I took a good up-close look at her or rather me and noticed how much of a mess we were.
I squeezed her tight and said “oh boy are we quite the mess at the age of sixteen.” She smiled and then began to cry and said “yeah, these wonderful clothes I am wearing and this going out to night clubs is just to cover up and run away from what keeps happening to me.” I looked at her and breathed deeply and said “I know, you went out to a night club with your friend Carmella. You didn’t really want to go but you felt like getting away because the night before while sleeping two spirits or rather jinn held you down. You didn’t understand what they were doing; all you felt was a needle go in and out of your arm as if they were sowing something to your body. When you woke up your arm was in excruciating pain and you couldn’t understand how that could have been just a dream.” ShanayaZalam dropped to the floor and said “Why does God hate us ShanayaNour? I pray to this statue everyday but she never makes these monsters go away.” I sat down on the floor beside her and said “God doesn’t hate you, your just learning from direct experience believe me.”
She held me closer and said “I remember when I used to wake up with whelps on my legs and didn’t remember how it happened. I try so hard to believe that I am not crazy, but it’s hard. Also the constant thoughts and messages that rumble through my head can’t be from me, I would never want to think such things” I rocked her back and forth and said “I know, I know, but there is an explanation for all of this. You will know and write a book about it. Do you remember the title of your future book?” she shook her head and said “yes, nothing is what It appears To Be. Even when you’re gone I remember this title.” I laughed and said “That’s your heart talking to you.”
I got up from the floor and said “Human beings are limited, just because what you’re going through is not out in the open or considered normal doesn’t mean it’s not real or that there is no explanation out there somewhere. Don’t ever doubt yourself on the basis of other people’s limited understanding. If they are not experiencing these things or at least know someone who is, how could you expect them to understand? What people believe doesn’t matter, your life is real whether people have the capacity to understand it or not. You will connect with those who have these experiences, have an open mind and maintain a loving open heart.” I held out my hand to help ShanayaZalam up off the floor and then said “Also those thoughts most of the time come from the whispers of the jinn. They try their best to always keep you confused or thinking low base desire thoughts because they want to keep you thrown off. God only knows why they are able to invade our minds, for some people they don’t give them a chance to even have a moment to themselves. They don’t want to leave room for God’s beautiful creations to realize who they really are and their wonderful high potentials.”
ShanayaZalam got up off the floor with my help, held on to my hand and said “I wish you can stay, you make me feel so much better about this whole ordeal. I have to feel love; it’s the only thing that keeps me going. I date so many men for this very reason.” I smiled and said “Yeah I know we keep up with our boyfriends because when they are around they help us forget about the night terrors and unexplained experiences we go through. I wish this wasn’t so, because all those men we date cause more harm than good, but there is nothing I can say or do now, what’s done is done.” ShanayaZalam gave me a humble smile and said “I could see what you’re saying is true but for now I need them around, you already know how the story unfolds. At least they provide me with temporary peace, unlike that god awful nightclub I went to with all that horrible smoke, nasty dancing and loud obnoxious music and let’s not even talk about the fights that broke out.” I laughed and said “I know we hate night clubs, we just go because Harlem told us that’s the thing to do. Don’t worry you will quit that soon.” She laughed and said “oh well that’s good news, I guess someone up there loves me.” She pointed her finger to the sky. I said “oh yes, someone sure does,” and then left the room.
Immediately when I got back to my apartment in the year 2015, I noticed the calendar on my wall shaking back and forth from the wind that was entering from the window and thought how grateful I am to have made it to this year and able to recognize how blessed I truly am. I walked next to my bed, picked up my Manuscript and said to myself “Shanaya you really wrote it all down for the whole world to see and it is a perfect title because Nothing is What It Appears To Be.”
To Be Continued with most affection……..
I sat on the bed next to her and watched as she fidgeted through a not so comfortable unexplained experience. I watched the sweat roll down her face off of her forehead while she twanged and jerked like something was poking at her or taking over her body. I wanted so badly to wake her up and save her from the misery that a spirit was subjecting her to but there was nothing I could do so I just stood by, cried and recalled exactly what she was going through. After a while she jumped out of her sleep, grasped for air and cried. I didn’t want to startle her so I stood quietly as she wiped the tears from her bloodshot eyes. When I felt she was calm I sat gently on the bed behind her and when she felt the bed move she froze and said “Please I can’t take no more..” before she could finish her sentence I placed my right hand on her left shoulder and said “Hi ShanayZalam, don’t worry it’s you.”
She turned around slowly and said “do I know you?” I said “yes very well actually, look at my face more closely. I visited you awhile back when you were three but I don’t expect you to remember that you visited you.” She looked at me with more confusion, so I just hugged her and said “Look at me ShanayaZalam, I am you just 18 year later.” She took a deep breath and said “I think I need to go into a mental hospital, first spirits that no one else can see who harass me in my sleep, now I see my future self-talking to me. This can’t be real.” I smiled and said “You don’t remember I told you that no matter what to not consider yourself crazy?” then I laughed and said “I know you’re at the phase in your life where you think you could be a coo coo bird but seriously you’re not, you just have a different kind of life and I know the age of twelve going on thirteen was one of the hardest years for you or rather me.” She said “ok miss I am you in the future, tell me who is this girl lying next to me is and what we did last night.” I smiled and said “That is Carmella your best friend that you met when you started the 7th grade middle school and last night she persuaded you to play with an Ouija board which you didn’t want to but agreed because you didn’t want to be considered a party pooper. Y’all played with the board and the spirit who moved the board said that he liked you which took you by surprise and then knocked the candle you guys had lit over almost setting Carmella’s room on fire. Luckily she was able to stomp it out because her aunt would have killed you both. When you fell asleep last night almost immediately you went into sleep paralysis and a spirit or what you know as a spirit to be honest appeared to you as an old lady and told you that it wanted to take your soul then started pulling on you and beating you. You couldn’t move, had no control even though you could see the spirit clearly. That was a nasty one and you will never touch an Ouija board again because it’s like it opened you up even more than you are already to the foolishness of the unseen. I know it was hard not being able to move while being poked and abused.”
ShanayaZalam looked at me intensely and said “I am starting to remember now; you are ShanayaNour, my new enlightened self at the age of thirty.” I laughed and said “Oh yes I am so happy you recalled, thanks be to God.” She turned her lip up and said “oh so this God finally answered me and stopped these demons from harassing me at the age of thirty? I have to wait that long?” I took a deep breath but before I could offer words of comfort she shouted “Hey you ShanayaNour, I want answers damn it!!! Who are these spirits that keep harassing me in my sleep? Why am I the only one on the planet that gets harassed by these devils? Why do I have vivid dreams that sometime come true? Why do I see strangers in my dreams all the time? I mean this is scary and I had enough. Oh and why do I pick up on so much energy when I am out in the street? It’s almost like I can pick up on every emotion within a one block radius of where I stand, and…” I said “wait wait wait Shanayazalam, I need you to calm down.” She took a deep breath and then all of a sudden busted out in tears and said “WHY? WHY? WHY? My mother even reached out to a so called psychic who gave me a so called spiritual bath that didn’t work.” I looked at her and cried with her because I recalled exactly how I felt at that age. The world seemed terrible and I just knew I was cursed.
After we cried together I wiped her tears with utmost gentleness and said “look beautiful I know this is hard, but you must be strong because you have a long road and many more experiences to go through that may feel like it’s breaking your very soul, but I promise it won’t. Just try to remember that you are going through this for a reason, everything is for a reason. Think of it this way you are receiving direct knowledge through experience which you may use one day.” Shanayazalam just put her head down as if she was completely deflated, so I knelled down in front of her and said “I will tell you this; those demons that are always playing mind games with you and beating as well as fondling you while you sleep in a paralyzed state are jinni. They are another creation of God that majority of human beings cannot see. Most of them are not good and love to make the lives of human beings miserable. For a reason only God knows you are sensitive to them as others in this world may be for reasons that only God knows clearly. You will become very well versed in the awareness of them and be willing to let anyone gain from your knowledge. It will be difficult and you will feel alone but you will receive all the help you need. Also you pick up on people’s feelings because you are just extra sensitive to energy around you yet everyone can feel what’s around them to a certain extent, the world is vast so don’t assume that you are the only one in this position. Think of it like this; if someone is happy and they come around you, you begin to feel happy and if someone is sad and they come around you, you begin to feel tense. We all affect each other, it’s just that some people are more sensitive than others, and you my beloved are just heightened in sensitivity, God does everything for a reason. ShanayaZalam I love you and wouldn’t lie to you, you will make it to the truth.” She put her head up and said “I believe you and happy you came to see me, to see myself at thirty so secure and safe gives me hope, but before you go please tell me more.” I grabbed her hand and said “ok I will tell you anything you want because as soon as I leave you won’t remember me or our conversation until I return again anyway.” She shook her head and said “well that sucks,” I said “Well ShanayaZalam nothing that has been written can be changed, so the best I can offer you is comfort in this moment.” She said “ok, well just give me something my heart can hold onto as I go through these hard times.” I smiled and said “One day you will realize that the jinn have no power over those who have the gift of knowing. It’s kind of like if you’re scared of the dark because you think monsters are around but as soon as you turn on the light and see that there are no monsters around you feel safe and unbothered. This is what your experiences are all about; turning on the light so you and others can see the truth from your experience and no longer be bothered or at least understand something that is usually hidden from a different standpoint. You will help whoever God puts in your path and you will receive help from whom God sends to your path. You also will be thrown off by human friends of the jinn but we will talk about that another time.”
She wiped her tears and said “Wow ShanayaNour you inspire me.” I said “Good try to hold on to that feeling as I leave you for now.” She jumped up and hugged me and I walked out the door and was back in my room in the year 2015 smiling and thinking to myself how much I love that ShanayaZalam even though she is no longer who I am, she will forever be a part of me.
To be continued with Love……….
Its Nice To See Me Again
I walked in right after she had calmed down to the point where she was drifting back to sleep and just stood over her and cried. She looked up at me and then jumped up, screamed and said “OH NO NOT AGAIN” then screamed for the comforts of her mother’s embrace. I grabbed her arm and said “SHHH I am not going to hurt you, I just wanted to come and reflect on things again to confirm what I now understand.” She looked up at me with confusion and said “who are you? You look like I know you. Am I dreaming again? Look I am only three years old and still haven’t figured out what I can only see and what everybody else can see.” I smiled and said “Oh boy don’t I know that’s the truth.” I knelled down next to her bed and said “Nice to see you ShanayaZalam, I am you just twenty seven years later as ShanayaNour.” She sat up and said “How can that be? You do kinda look like me just taller.” I laughed and said” Yeah, I kinda wanted to revisit my past and talk with who I used to be in order to confirm where I am headed. I even wrote a book about our life entitled Nothing is What It Appears To Be which I am working on getting published now.” She opened her beautiful brown eyes real wide and said “oh wow a book I like books, Big Bird is my favorite, well did you write about those monsters I saw last night?” I smiled and said “yeah I know that was hard, I remember. You or I, I should say was sleeping on the couch and woke up to see a bunch of people that looked quit strange circling around the living room chanting something. One of them came up to me picked me up and took on the shape of my mother. Then all of a sudden scared the crap out of me, he started shedding his skin and showing me his skeleton face and bones like some type of sick illusion that I couldn’t escape from. I jumped out of his arms that felt cool like menthol or something and ran for my mother who told me it was just a dream but you and I know it wasn’t just a dream because I wasn’t sleep. Little ShanayaZalam jumped in my arms and said “Oh My God you are really me, only I could have known that.” I put her back in her bed, laid her down and said “of course I am you, how else would we have the same face.” I tucked her back in her bed and she said” Who were those people and why do I only see people around that no one else do? I smiled and hugged her and said “Well it’s something you will be able to explain to the world when you get a bit older. There are a lot that most people are unaware of and for some reason God has made you and many others out there able to see what is normally hidden.” She looked at me strange and said “but they are not hidden I can see them, sometimes they look ugly but sometimes they are nice.” I smiled and said “I know they are considered to be jinn; some people consider them to be spirits. Not everyone can see them only who God has chosen but they do live with us on this earth and affect most people whether they know it or not; most in a bad way but some in a good way, they are testy creatures.” She looked at me baffled and I just sighed and said “Don’t worry about all of this right now, trust me you will know the truth and be certain enough to inform many people about them, Just remember that you are not crazy and your mother is your best friend.” She smiled and said “I know but I am scared, all the time I see strange things but mommy says I am dreaming or imagining it.” I said “I know but she will believe you one day soon don’t worry your only three and have a long way to go.” She stretched her arms and said “mommy is coming are you gonna stay for breakfast? She probably will make us some eggs.” I laughed and said “I know we love eggs but no I have to go and you probably won’t remember me after I leave because nothing that has happened can be changed but I will pop in to check on you and have moments of reflection if that’s OK with you.” She said “OK but why won’t I remember you if we are the same person?” I said “because what has been written can never be changed and if you remember me and all that I have been through you will try to avoid all the obstacles that helped you get to where I am at now, you will understand one day. And oh enjoy your eggs.” She waved goodbye and then I saw my mother walk in the room and say to little ShanayaZalam “Oh good morning, so you are up. What do you wanna eat for breakfast?” Shanayazalam said “eggs and cheese ma.” My mother laughed and said “I don’t know why you love eggs so much, OK.” I stepped out the room and was back in the present sitting in my apartment in December 2014 laughing because I can’t believe how far I have come and all that I have been through and how much I love little ShanayZalam for being so strong and never giving up even when times was hard. I promised myself to visit her often and have moments of remembrance with her to serve as a reminder of what’s important and how much farther I have to go. It’s not easy walking a road less traveled and going through things that are normally hidden because even the most intelligent person can’t explain things. I am so grateful to understand and hope to always remember where I have been to be clear on where I am going.
To Be Continued Of Course……..